Day 2

16 Oct

Well, kinda.

You said you wanted to know how it’s going.

So, how exactly is it going?

The day flew by yesterday. Not bad at ALL. I DO NOT do this cleanse correctly. I am now more so working the green juices into a really strict diet plan — really strict until the 29th. And you can bet am going apeshit on the 29th. Then back to just being on a so-so diet.

God I hope no nutritionists are reading this. If you are, I’m sorry. One day, when I want a real cleanse, I will do this the way intended, I swear.

Anyhoo. Yesterday I had a green juice in the morning. A green juice in the afternoon. Then some spicy lemonade just to get a different flavor in my mouth. Then I started to really think about this around 6 o’clock.

I made the decision last night that I would turn this full-on juice cleanse into a juice + simple raw bites diet. I would allow small amounts of raw nuts, raw veg, a couple pieces of sashimi in moments of real hunger, avocado. That’s. All. And this wasn’t the extreme hunger talking. I actually wasn’t starving at all. Nor was I picturing John’s head as a turkey like the cartoons. But I kinda started to freak at the amount of carbs in these juices. If you actually do the cleanse as a cleanse, you are still consuming a full, regular diet’s day worth of calories and a shit ton of carbs. It cleanses your body — what it is meant to do. But most don’t actually lose weight from it. And they don’t promote it as a weight loss thing, obviously. And….like I said, we’re trying to flatten the pooch here. Because somewhere underneath that cheese weight is muscle I want to get back with this, and some working out times.

Also, I knew I would never be drinking all 6 of these drinks in one day AND be happy knowing I was having that many carbs and calories still. Because the secret is out, I’m not doing it juuuuuust to “rid my body of toxins”. I needed to make the adjustments necessary to keep meeee happy.

So, back to last night. I ate a handful of raw almonds (which tasted like heaven at this point) and ordered a few pieces of sashimi. Ate that with another green juice (my third for the day) then hit the sack.

Well I TRIED TO HIT THE SACK. I laid there, all night. Not hungry…just….awake. I missed the feeling of going to bed with a full, heavy belly. That feeling is soothing to me. Even though I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t full. It kinda sucked. I sipped on (some) of the sickly delicious cashew milk (w agave, vanilla and cinnamon) like a little baby as I fell asleep to Jill Zarin’s crazy ass on Watch What Happens Live (CAN WE DISCUSS??)

Today. Today I decided it’s prob not best to just drink juice all day then eat right before the complete inactivity of laying in bed, so why not spread it out more.

So, green juice for breakfast, then for lunch I had (some) of this…

One of my favorite salads — simple arugula with lemon, tomatoes and NORMALLY excessive slices of parmesan cheese.

And you know what? It sucked. It tasted like I was chewing the juice I had just had. I might as well just had more fucking juice. I realized I was developing juice brain. Everything tastes like juice. The juice controls you. You are actually mad at yourself for biting solids. “JUICE DON’T PLAY DAT”, says the juice, sitting on your shoulder as it slaps you with a sock of coins. You feel bad. You apologize to juice. He says “SMH”. But he doesn’t actually S his H so you’re like, kinda confused. But your hungry so you brush it off.

I went about my daily business. Doctor’s appointment, dress fitting. Got home. Handful of almonds. That, I like. Now I plan on another green juice and milk before bed.

As sick and sad as this whole thing sounds, I really do feel really okay. Like a lot better than I have when I have severely deprived myself before. We can’t forget that this green juice is still 6 pounds of veg nourishment in one little bottle. 3 of those plus these sad, light snacks is not bad at all. And I feel the difference already.

Am I a little slow? For sure. A little…what’s the word….angry? Definitely not ANNNNGRY. Definitely not “HAPPPPPPPY!!!!!!!!!”. Is my belly flatter and do I feel physically good? Definitely. Yes.

But man, I cannot wait until the 29th.

44 Responses to “Day 2”

  1. Kathy H October 16, 2012 at 6:45 pm #

    Personally, I don’t know if I could do this until the 29th…

  2. Arvelle October 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm #

    Hang in there!

  3. jenhencooks October 16, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

    Well, that’s…good? YOU CAN DO IT!

    Yes, let’s please talk about Jill on WWHL. I only saw the clips on Bravo’s site (your tweet spurred me to check it out). Of what I watched, she’s just as delusional as before + she’s had time to stew in her own juices, which is worse than Normal Jill.

  4. Dominick S. October 16, 2012 at 6:49 pm #

    Have you seen “Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead”? It allllll makes sense…it doesn’t mean juicing is awesome but at least I believed it. You are a much braver soul than I!

  5. palinode (@palinode) October 16, 2012 at 6:51 pm #

    I’m betting the juice would be super angry if it read this post.

  6. Jennifer October 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm #

    I dont think this is failing! I think you’re making smart choices with what you’re eating so you dont go ape shit & plow thru a bag of chips & candy bars in the middle of the night like some people would break down & do!

    Keep it up!

    & post the egg thing, curious, sounds simple enough but some of us can burn water out here

  7. Denise Miller (@IrieDame) October 16, 2012 at 6:55 pm #

    Hang in there….the 29th is just around the corner!

  8. Ashley Gabrielle October 16, 2012 at 6:56 pm #

    I did this: It took some self control not to shove some ribs in my mouth but I definitely think I did my body good. Although I only did 3 days. I tip my tiny hat to you madam. You should add some chia seeds to your green juices. It will give you fiber and it helps you fill fuller longer. If you let it sit in the juice for 15 minutes it will turn into little delectable bubbles.

  9. ericasung October 16, 2012 at 6:57 pm #

    Stay strong Crissy, keep up the good work!! *computer hug*

  10. Norma October 16, 2012 at 7:02 pm #

    no offence but…i would prefer to hear about cooking stuff…that’s why i decided to follow your cooking blog…not to read about your diet…just sayin.

    • chrissyteigen October 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

      cool norma. do yourself a favor and tell your eyes to stop reading what you don’t enjoy. also tell your brain that there are other people in this world besides you.

      • Cel October 16, 2012 at 7:15 pm #

        My comment was to Norma not you Chrissy 🙂 we posted at the same time- sorry 🙂 Keep going- you are doing great x

      • Christina October 16, 2012 at 7:28 pm #

        Perfect reply…

      • Arvelle October 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm #


      • Aotearovian October 17, 2012 at 11:19 pm #

        The best part is she book-ended with “no offence but” and “just sayin”. So, like, you know.

    • Cel October 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm #

      pipe down!!! She is just being honest and I for one enjoy listening to her! you should check back here after the 29th!

  11. Lauren October 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm #

    I forgot my comment…. Too much white wine…. Forgive me?

  12. Jenny V October 16, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

    unrelated: your last tweet about whipping cream. bahahha. confuses me so much! i make chicken cordon blu and you need whipping cream but at my store i can only buy heavy whipping cream and then theres just plain heavy cream and im like….whuuuuuuuuuuuuut/………. **head explosion**

  13. Jenny V October 16, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

    and post the eggs recipe! i did the ham cups (mmmm sooo goooood) but then made it for my boyfriend and of course undercooked it and it was really weird and creepy and now i must redeem myself but pretned ilke i always knew how to cook eggs. papalease.

  14. Brooke October 16, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

    In a very selfish way this makes me feel better. I tried to do this cleanse (only a 3 day one, no idea how anyone can do 10 days) and I lasted one measly day and that was it. I hate beets and the red juice was the death of me. I couldn’t finish it and ended up chugging the white milk one, going to bed sad and angry and saying eff this in the morning. The clear difference is you are doing it for a job and I was doing it for my wedding but I would just rather eat super healthy than drink that green sh*t for days on end. Thank you for validating that I am not a terrible human. You are still doing well, hang in there!!!

  15. Meatsnveggies October 16, 2012 at 7:29 pm #

    Since we’re all being honest here, I’ll tell y’all what I do. I follow The Blood Type Diet. No matter if you think it’s a crock of shit, I feel 100 times better on it. The premise is, according to your blood type, you eat as your ancestors did. The problem with everybody doing what everybody else is doing to lose weight, is that we all have different requirements.

    SO, if Chrissy is blood type O, she should eat red meat every day. Crazy right? But, since I am Type A, I should never eat red meat. So vegans who are type O feel like shit, and As who eat meat feel like shit. It’s all very primal. I would do well on a juice cleanse, Type Os not so much. Bonus, my husband is Type O and I never lecture him any more on eating like a cave man.

    p.s. I love you Chrissy! You crack me up every day. Do what makes you feel good!! I’m skerred of you hongray!

    • chrissyteigen October 16, 2012 at 7:50 pm #

      shit i need to find out my blood type ASAP! i always forget. now i’m curious!

      • Becs October 17, 2012 at 7:05 pm #

        interesting stuff about the blood types! since we are all being honest here, thought I’d pass on my recent success story on this dreaded “d” topic. I recently got the MRT 150 (blood) test and some urine test done through a nutritionist in Boulder that my mom and sis had used previously. basically the blood was used to test what foods my body can’t process (food sensitivities based on histamine reaction), which might have something to do with blood type actually. the urine test analyzed my metabolism to see where i was deficient and should add supplements/vitamins. also learned that the body stores the food it can’t process as fat. so three weeks ago i started an elimination diet (or my super personalized “cleanse” if you will) based on the blood test results where i have only eaten the foods to which my body is least reactive. The first month is supposed to be the most restrictive, but it gets easier as foods are reintroduced daily back into my diet on a daily basis. I had to cook all my food during the first few weeks, but that has been a fun process! I don’t calorie count and I’ve never been hungry (as long as I have my food packed with me). Results: I feel amazing (energy, mind clarity, etc.). i cheated last night with food on my “no” list and woke up feeling terrible, so now I know that this might be legit (dammit). It is actually the first time I’ve EVER successfully stuck to some healthy thing that I said I’d do food-wise. And as a side bonus I lost about 7-10 pounds in the first two weeks to get back to what is my normal, healthy weight (it had been a summer full of indulgence).

        Below is the daily meal schedule my nutritionist gave me to control blood sugar levels (basic idea is to limit sugar intake and combine sugar with a healthy fat, never have a protein w/out a veggie)

        Pre-workout yogurt (siggi’s probiotic at whole foods is recommended)
        Meal 1 protein + veggie (i eat meat/fish/garbanzo beans in the morning b/c apparently 6 eggs per week is the limit)
        Meal 2 a few nuts + veggie
        Meal 3 protein + veggie
        Meal 4 fruit + a few nuts
        Meal 5 protein + veggie + starch (starch can be earlier in day, but only one per day)
        Meal 6 fruit OR yogurt + a few nuts

        Anyways, that was super long. Take it for what you will. Good luck, Chrissy! I’m sure you’ll look fabulous for your big shoot.

        And as always, thanks for sharing your life with us!

  16. Kris October 16, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

    I tried that cleanse once and didn’t make a day. When I have to be in a bikini in front of humans with visipn I do the Fat Flush diet (the first two week miserable phase) It really works – I will send you a picture of my abs as proof. It’s basically a shit load of no starchy veg, 8 oz of meat, 2 eggs, 1 protein drink and two pieces of fruit a day.

  17. james mulligan October 16, 2012 at 7:37 pm #

    scientifically, red and yellow are the colors that make people hungry haaaaaaa

  18. james mulligan October 16, 2012 at 7:39 pm #

    hot basket of Any’tizers® QuesaDippers™ or some Very Cherry Crispitos haaaaaaaaa

  19. leonena October 16, 2012 at 7:44 pm #

    It’s funny you are doing this because I am too (a different juice cleanse still horrible). I was fine yesterday followed all the rules, but I went to sleep at 9 pm. All I was dreaming about was food – chips and guac, grilled salmon, everything delicious. So I assumed I slept walked downstairs and my roommate said I mumbled are a handful of peanut m and ma and went pack up stairs. I feel your pain!! Good luck!

  20. darialajeune October 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm #

    Firstly- I wish I had real time updates of all the dumb shit people tweet to you and post on your blog and then your reactions. Gets me every time.

    I stalk this on the reg because I, too, am a foodie trying not to get fat. Except I’m in my fifth year of college in WISCONSIN so let’s just be real here for a minute. I’m obviously packin 24 liters of vodka weight at any given football game while shovelling cheese curds into my face.

    I was raised macrobiotic so i learned how to eat raw (read: bird food) from a young age. Good luck dude, I’m right there with you. Except i just downed the delicious eggplant parmesean I just made, so I’m not actually with you.

    xoxo gossip girl

  21. Isabel October 16, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

    I am quite enjoying the Adventures in Juice Cleansing blog series.

    Are you taking really great shits?
    (I promise not to masturbate to your answer. Ha ha hahaha ugh.)

  22. Lynn @ The Actor's Diet October 16, 2012 at 11:09 pm #

    my brother did the blueprint cleanse as a guest post for me:

    i really don’t think i could do it!

  23. Jes October 17, 2012 at 12:56 am #

    Really love the juice cleanse updates. I would try one but I have as much self control as a dog. First time my head hurt and I would be knee deep in a burrito. Good job and stay strong for those who can’t (or won’t try).

  24. Mindy October 17, 2012 at 9:21 am #

    Ugh girl I’m right there with you. I mean minus the swimsuit modeling. But the dieting part. I don’t think I could do a juice cleanse, I like food too much. Even if it’s just bland healthy food. Best of luck!

  25. Susannah Maria October 17, 2012 at 9:33 am #

    You are are so strong to be able to write out recipes right now and even stronger(?) for posting the pic.
    Another huge plus may be that ur taste buds become super sensitve and the next thing you eat will be on another level flavour-wise. Keep it up girl! xxx

  26. Laura October 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm #

    I feel for you lady. I did seven days in June and the first three were hell. But, after that, it got a lot easier. What helped me was alternating every few days between Blueprint and Pressed Juicery. They taste different and Pressed has more options to choose from, but their shipping is crazy expensive. Their Greens 3 is a lot sweeter than Blueprint’s Greens. I also like their Almond Milk better than the Cashew milk. I love them both, but sometimes a little variety helps. Good luck!!

  27. tj October 18, 2012 at 4:02 am #

    If it makes you feel any better, I’m just as angry on my new food situation. No starch because apparently it sends my entire digestive tract into hell pain. And by the way, Jill Zarin just proved that she’s a batshit nutty narcissist.

  28. Megan B (@thatgirlmegan) October 18, 2012 at 11:25 am #

    I’ve been reading your blog for a little while, and finally I’ve decided I HAD to comment. (Sorry, it’s going to be long).

    First off – THANK YOU for this blog. This post especially highlights why I like reading your posts (not to sounded so book report-y). I think it’s absolutely AWESOME that you’re chronicling this cleanse so honestly. Or that you write so honestly in general. You’re openly admitting that a) you aren’t perfect b) you aren’t an expert & c) not everything is rainbows & butterflies. Seems like a simple concept, right? Not really. Although all those things I listed seem negative, they positively reflect on you. Honestly, I think you’re pretty damn awesome, but so few people (celebrities or not) are even NEARLY as genuine online as you are. Which, I get, because there are so many assholes who are quick to judge/say something rude & baseless bc they’re hiding behind a computer screen. BUT you’ve stuck it out.

    A lot of times when I read your posts, I feel like I’m listening to a friend rather than being lectured (HATE those posts) or getting spoken at by a cardboard cutout. & you aren’t just writing gossipy crap, you’re filling us in on what you love (omg – the pictures of food usually make my mouth water) and what you’re authentically experiencing. I would grab a drink with you any time you’re in NYC. You also make me want to make time to write more on my own blog about what matters to me, rather than constantly writing for other people or only writing about my industry or sports (although sports I could NEVER get sick of writing about, I just should vary things up a bit).

    Not to sound like I have my head up your ass or anything. It’s just that I work online/in social media/read & write on other people’s blogs for a living and MY GOD it is refreshing to read something that is interesting, not full of hot air and doesn’t want to make me bang my head on my desk. And, ok, you write mostly about food, so how deep can I get here, but one- it’s the way you write about it – you’re obviously passionate about cooking and two- really, what kind of asshole says they don’t love food?

    Secondly – YOU CAN DO IT! Honestly, I’ve tried all sorts of crazy “cleanses” – some of which probably were absolutely terrible for my health. The key is to hang in there, alternate flavors (as you’re trying to do), try to psych yourself up for your next glass of juice or whatever (seriously sometimes give myself pep talks so I don’t want to shoot myself after a couple days of just carrot juice or whatever) and DO NOT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD turn on the Food Network (totally did that once against well meaning friends’ advice/common sense. My thinking was it would help me not feel hungry because I could ‘feast with my eyes’ rather than actually feast and… yeah… I’m CLEARLY an idiot).

    Three – Jill Zarin is crazy and attention-hungry, but she is right that RHNYC sucks now. I haven’t watched it in a while, but caught episodes of this season once when I was sick, and maaaaaan even the trainwreck drama that usually is the draw to shows like that was stale. I mean, it’s a bunch of women with big wallets & big egos, it shouldn’t be hard to manufacture some fake juicy drama. BUT, where Zarin loses me: you don’t insult Andy Cohen & get away with it. He’s basically a national treasure.

    Four – I know you don’t necessarily need encouragement, but: Keep on blogging/tweeting/etc. You enjoy life in a way that makes the good people laugh and even when shitty people say things to you, we can all laugh at their idiocy. Laughing is good.

    Anyway, I hope this came out/reads the way I intended and not as some creepy weird suck up-y note- I was kinda hesitant at first to say anything (as are probably most people who read/like what you do), but the people who have shitty things to say usually are the loudest, and you do get a lot of weird uncalled for crap, so I figured I’d speak up.

    • chrissyteigen October 18, 2012 at 9:37 pm #

      i love you. this is awesome, and why I blog. thank you, seriously. xxxxxx

  29. Anne October 18, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

    Jill Z is HELLA CRAY. I was squriming watching that interview. She needs to start a blog called SoDelusional. Where is she getting her ratings info? I swear, I’m so over last season’s RHWONY, when she mentioned Alex, I was like, “who?” I loves me some Carole & Heather. Holla!

  30. Molly October 18, 2012 at 8:11 pm #

    I did the Blueprint Cleanse this time last year and I really wish I would’ve waited another year–misery loves company! It really wasn’t bad and I got ton of energy afterwards, but you’re exactly right about just missing chewing! I’m from John’s hometown and the cleanse came to a screeching halt when I was presented with a Schuler’s donut (chocolate cream filled–WORTH IT). Sidenote: I really hope he introduced you to these. I hope you have better luck than me!!

  31. Rachel October 19, 2012 at 11:07 am #

    Haha – I’m a nutritionist. You couldn’t pay me enough to do/endorse a juice cleanse but I do understand the pressure of your job. Just never stop loving your natural body.

  32. fortyandfabulousme October 19, 2012 at 11:04 pm #

    You are so freaking funny. I love you.

  33. Lisa October 22, 2012 at 12:21 am #

    I’ve been three months on Dukan (low carb low fat) and it is the first diet I’ve EVER been on and oh god I am reaching the end of my ability to say no to foods. HOW DO YOU DO IT?? Teach me your ways please. Should I book myself a bikini shoot? I only have 5lbs to go after losing 30 and I honestly don’t know if I can make it ahhhhhhhhh!

  34. Niqui Wigley February 10, 2013 at 7:13 pm #

    So I just saw this and I swear you are the twin sister I never had. I got back after a month of booze abuse and food indulgence in Thailand and decided I needed to reset my liver. Found the juice cleanse and convinced my boyfriend to do it with me. Worst. Idea. Ever. Your picture is exactly how I felt. 3 juices in and I remember how much I hated juice. You’re right, I felt amazing after but my tastebuds hated me.

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