Archive | January, 2012

cake batter popcorn (!!!)

27 Jan

Don’t have much to say about this one, everybody. To be honest, posting the photos make me kind of nauseous. Not because it wasn’t completely and utterly one of the most delicious sweet snacks I have ever come across — it was. But holy shit, I ate too much. Really. I am not sure I can ever eat anymore again. Damn you, Kris! She planted this seed in my head and I immediately researched recipes. She is like a beautiful, sweets she-devil with these recipes!!

I made it the night before that baby shower, and snacked on it so much throughout the process that I found myself buying 10 white chocolate bars at the corner store (not even really made for melting/baking) and cake batter mix at midnight. Drunk, of course.

Can you taste the cake batter? You suuuuure can. I recommend NOT buying those fancy organic Whole Foods cake mixes for this one. The yellow cake mixes like Pillsbury has would be best. Funfetti, anyone? YUM.

I also still have red finger pads. I vaguely remember pouring the CRAZY HOT white chocolate / cake batter mix onto the popcorn and deciding it was a better idea to toss it around with my hands. The pain….pretty much excruciating. But I kept doing it like some sort of cake batter popcorn factory worker zombie.

Be warned: if you’re like me, you’ll have popcorn everywhere. On your shirt, in your bra, that mystery area between the stove and countertop where shit just falls, never to be seen again. But maybe you’re not like me and maybe you’ll make this sober.

Just a few photos, recipe at the end!! I bagged mine up into little baggies with ribbons. Made a great gift bag for departing baby shower guests!

Blue food coloring finger from making that stupid duck WITH THE BLUE BEAK why did I make the beak blue whyyyyyyyyy why why. PS that cake actually turned out to be delicious. And no, I didn’t even bring it to the shower. Dammit.

Oh! Also I didn’t use mini m & m’s like the recipe called for. I had them, I was just too drunk to remember I had them.

Yeah. I just got sick again. This will either become your addiction or you will be so completely popcorn hungover from it that you will never want it again. Either way, make it!!


Oreo-Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies

24 Jan

When I posted this picture on twitter, I had no clue you guys would light up in a fury over it. Is that a term? I think I just made it up. Yeah I just googled it, I made it up. I think I merged different sayings? Like when people say, “it’s not ROCKET SURGERY” or “it’s not BRAIN SCIENCE”. When people do things like that…oh…I LIVE for those moments.

Anyhow, my point is, I now know your kryptonite. As someone who never had a sweet tooth, I’ve never understood the sweet freaks, just as I’m sure sweet freaks don’t quite understand my childhood love of licking on sticks of butter. There are things I definitely love — refrigerated gummy bears, sour straws, ice cream and popsicles (I sound 4) being at the top, but cake and cookies? I’ll eat it, sure, but my eyes won’t light up at the very sight of it….like they do for fried chicken. Oh baby.

Anyhow, simplest recipe ever. My recommendation? Keep it easy on yourself and buy the some pre-made chocolate chip cookie dough. Although, homemade is pretty darn easy. The recipe I’m about to post — would def just use pre-made dough next time. I had WAY too much to do to make em from scratch with such readily available options of cookie dough all over the place!

Some of my photos…not taking credit for this one 🙂

Okay. Why are they grey? They look dead. Zombie cookies. Reminds me of growing up, when I had Basset Hounds and it was my duty to poop scoop. Growing up in Washington, we had some collllld winters, but I never minded picking up their poop (we had an AWESOME scoop and I remember getting so excited that it was MY poop scoop) because the poop would be frozen and white and crackly looking, therefore super easy to pick up. Anyhow what I’m saying is that these look like poop.

BUT. They are good. Serve cut in half, and warm if possible. If not, ol’ Johnny boy taught me the secret of sprinkling them with a bit of water and popping the into the microwave for a few seconds (FEW or your house will smell like burnt choco chips) individually. But yeah. These are nothing if they aren’t warm.

I make a similar thing, using peanut butter cookie dough and mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups in a mini cupcake tin. Will share those later too! Thosssssse, in my opinion, are better….

Recipe here:


NOTE! According to the comments section, if you use pre-made cookie dough, you are likely to end up with what appears to be a landmind-looking cookie…no bueno! Make your own dough! Then toot your own horn all night saying “FROMMMMM SCRATCH!” at the end of every statement regarding the cookie. That’s what I do. I’m mature!


Ina’s Chicken Pot Pie…

23 Jan

Let me start by saying this post is 10% fail, as shown.

Remember the mini-pie maker I was bragging about on twitter? “Lalala you gotttta get one la la laaaa I’m gonna use it every day for the next month!” This is it.

Do I blame the pie maker? Not at all. I blame the dough, which, by referral, was a simple, refrigerated (and brought to room temperature) store-bought Pillsbury pie crust. Imagine my excitement when the light turned off, indicated it was ready, and seeing that it was half raw, half burnt. Ended up cooking crusts separately in it, no filling, and chopping it up to create some sort of deconstructed chicken pot pie. I’m fawn-cy!

This weekend I cooked for a baby shower on one level of a dear friends’s house, and a bunch of men watching football on another level. It was kind of a dream, actually — I love very specific cooking. I spent the entire day beforehand prepping everything as much as possible — cheez-it chicken tenders marinating in hot wing sauce, pot pie filling (slow cooked overnight), oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies, a cake shaped like a rubber ducky that actually more closely resembled the twitter bird (a clear indicator I tweet too much) and cake batter popcorn. You will get all these recipes (and more for the Super Bowl) this week!

First up, the pure, hearty deliciousness that is Ina’s chicken pot pie. I used this recipe, a no-brainer since it has 733 reviews, averaging it at 5 stars. Tons of flavor, chunky veggies, loaded with chicken. Crowwwwwd pleaser! Also, it pretty much makes itself. Okay it doesn’t at all but I just want you to make it, alright??

Obviously I didn’t do the crust part of her recipe, because I am a genius who totally knew what I was doing with my mini-pie/big-nightmare maker.

Another great option with this? No crust. You can blame your laziness on being low-carb! It’s perfect. I swear it’s good enough on it’s own…like chow-dah.

PTP’s (poorly taken pictures) comingggggggg……NOW.

……my secret. Store-bought rotisserie chicken, or “roto-chicks” as my friend Melissa says. Anytime a recipe calls for baked chicken, cut up, this is my go-to. I LOVE roasting my own chickens. Ew that made it sound like I kill them. Could never. If you told me I had to hunt/kill my own food, I’d be a vegetarian, no doubt. But I love roasting chickens. But I would cry at the thought of slicing up my beautiful, slow-roasted chicken just to toss in a pot of boiling chicken stock. If I baby that bitch with sticks of butter as I hum to it, calling it my sweet love child while halfway in the oven, it is going to be displayed proudly, not cut up into bits DAMMIT! PS I truly believe this made it better. I used 2 entire roto chicks (LOVE calling it it that now) and included dark meat as well. Duh. If I could design a chicken in a lab (like KFC) I would totally design it to be completely dark meat. Or ALL skin. is that possible? Just layers upon layers of skin?? Writing this down now.

…frozen peas and frozen pearl onions! I know. A bag of frozen mini onions?? Kinda wanted to scream at the thought of having to find frozen mini onions. I mean, Ina can get super specific sometimes. Like, “2 tablespoons of Aunt Patricia’s tomato paste, heated in a quadruple boiler with Newman’s Own salsa instead of water just trust me I know what I’m talking about” and I’m all “Jesus ok that is really specific and weird but fine, only because your recipes are delicious, INA.”

Anyhow, found a bag of frozen pearl onions in a jiffy. Who knew they were a such a hot grocery store item? Made me feel all stupid and shit.

Like giving birth. The pain of going to Whole Foods on a Saturday night (you know it’s hell when there are 2 or 3 carts left to take) made it all worth while, little pot pie filling. Welcome to the world. Can’t wait to feel the pain the first time you refer to me as a bitch. Teenagers.

Enjoy with, as everything, a glass of red wine.


weekend recipe!

20 Jan

I love posting Friday recipes. Understandably, during the week, you all are a little exhausted all week from working, going to school, taking care of kids, etc. But I know that when I post on a Friday, I get to enjoy an entire week of getting the most delicious photos ever from you on twitter! It’s one of my favorite things in the world and I look at every food photo you guys send. Most dishes look infinitely better than mine.

Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you this, as I’m probably gonna get a tweet that says, “Thanks, Chrissy! So yummy!” and it’s going to be a penis or butthole. Don’t do me like that, friends!!

So. Mexican Lasagna. EASY, and SOOOOOOO GOOD. Love the noodle replacement, tortillas. They have super low-carb tortillas, too. Did you know that? I didn’t. Did I use them? No!!! Low carb or fakey versions of things that are supposed to be super carby scare me. I once spent an entire afternoon strategically ordering different kinds of “Miracle Noodles”. Angel hair, fettucini, ramen….I paid for same-day delivery, knowing I wouldn’t even be home to cook — I was that excited.

Now, if you don’t know about these suckers, the “Miracle Noodle” is a shirataki noodle, and shirataki is made from the ummmmm, devil’s tongue yam. Thank youuuuuu, wiki. Anyhoo, the noodles brag about being carb-free, gluten-free, and soy-free. What they fail to tell you is that I also found them to be appealing-to-the-eye-free as well.

Each serving comes in a little plastic bag, FILLED WITH NOODLES IN A SEMI-CLOUDY GEL. You are supposedddddd to just rinse off and toss em in with whatever else is already heated and cooked, but the instructions should also add how disturbing this process is. Just looking at it riled my gag reflex. This is coming from someone who will literally eat street meat from any dirty cart in the world. I’ve had ant salad. Bone marrow (delicious). This gel? Immediately. wanted. to vomit. This is as far as they got with me before I finally needed the drawer space (FOR MY DOG LEASHES, AND DOG COLLARS, AND DOG TREATS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT MAKE ME AN AWESOME DOG OWNER, CHLOE) and dumped every miracle noodle package down the trash chute.

I’ve heard from MANY people that once you get past the gel (I admire anyone that could get past the gel), that it is actually a really awesome noodle / pasta substitute. Like tofu, it pretty much takes on the flavor of anything it is mixed with. Am I endorsing miracle noodles? No. I have no idea what they taste like. But I doooo endorse a low-carb lifestyle, especially when you are like me and pretty, um, inactive. And “low” doesn’t mean “no”! I just think about the choices more, and it’s the only thing I can actually make a lifestyle out of to keep off that “midsection thickness”. Short torso, can’t afford it!

I also ordered about 6 loaves of low-carb bread from Julian’s Bakery online, only to see Whole Foods has it. Who on earth buys six bags at a time? My idea was to try them all and find which one I liked most. But I arrived home 2 days after the box did, and let’s just say it looked like some sort of bonsai tree. Something about this bread makes it off itself pretty quickly. I would too, carb-less, ironic bread. I would too. No longer will you feel pain. My point? If I want bread or pasta, I’m not a bad person, and it isn’t wrong to want it. Having to rinse off gelatin or eat bread a day within I get it because it’s a huge baby and overly sensitive makes me feel like it’s a crime to want carbs. NO! I will not have it. I will eat in moderation.

Annnnyhow, I hate talking about dieting. I just get a lot of people asking, “do you even EAT what you make??” and the answer is yes! If I can’t avoid the carbs in it, I just eat less of it. But if it’s all protein and veggies, I glop it with bacon or chipotle or eggs or whatever else and eat the shit out of it, as much as I want. Would a nutritionist favor this? Probably not. But it works for me and I feel good…although my little heart and arteries might be working overtime sometime around the year 2040.

BACK TO THE MEXICAN LASAGNA! Full disclosure, I was pretty drunk making all of this. The photos suck, and I don’t recall any changes I made, aside from just adding way more spices and herbs to the meat. The same spices it called for, just more of it. Heavy hands, people! Heavy hands! If your meat isn’t crazy flavorful while it’s cooking, it’s not gonna get any better in the lasagna as it actually bakes. Bland meat, bland lasagna. Unless you let it sit overnight or something…that’s when I notice that flavors really pop. Like those scalloped potatoes, too. Mmmmm.

Oh my god Chrissy just post the effing pictures.

Ha! I was going off about the stupid low-carb tortillas and meanwhile forgot that there is literally an assload of rice and beans in this recipe. Barely any meat in comparison. Told you I was drunk. So yeah. Definitely give up on the low-carb tortilla option.

I’d post more but the other photos are somehow even worse than this. Paired with my favorite, chipotle chicken (make sure to also click the link to see how to bake the chicken, this is just the marinade) and a mexican caesar salad. What makes it mexican? I dunno. The corn and bell peppers and the store bought chipotle ranch dressing? And the cotija cheese? If you believe it, your guests will too.

Pioneer Woman (duh) mexican lasagna recipe HERE!

Xx! Enjoy your weekend!


14 Jan

As you may know via twitter, I’m in London. So here’s a good ol’ fashioned traditional English breakfast…

Honest question, english folk. What’s with the super scrambled eggs? How do you make them, how are they like this? I don’t mind, genuinely curious…want to try myself…enlighten me…

First picture was John’s choice. I prefer ballsack-looking poached eggs, if not given the option of over-easy.

Also, no one else in the restaurant got quite this much bacon. I think they assume americans want this much bacon. That assumption is true.

Blueberry pancakes. The official weakness of John Legend.

A bacon roll with a fried egg. The official weakness of Chrissy Teigen and basically anyone who isn’t a terrorist.

I will be hand-delivering Nando’s to the studio for dinner tonight. One of my most favorite places on planet Earth. Keepin’ it classy here in Londontown.


cream cheese stuffed jalapeño peppers with bacon and sausage and unicorns and fairies and vodka wait no vodka but everything else good in the world

11 Jan




One of my favorite food freak (I don’t love the term ‘foodie’) friends is Kris over at Young, Married, Chic. Not only is she beautiful, but her body is ummm out of control bangin’. Seriously, stop asking me how I’m thin. Thin is nothing. If you poked me, your finger would disappear into my flesh. If you poked Kris, you’re finger would break. And, if you’re a boy, your nose as well, because her handsome husband would not be having that shit. Just look at her site…bookmark it…enjoy it. You will love it. Would I ever steer you wrong?

Anyhow, we find ourselves emailing each other wayyyy too early in the morning, usually me begging her for the recipe to a photo she posted on twitter. And she gives it to me! IMMEDIATELY. And then I spend the day salivating and grocery shopping, or going through my calendar, begging for events for her dishes to be served at. Example: this morning she gave me the recipe for cake batter popcorn, which I will be serving at an upcoming baby shower. YUM. And YES you will have it as soon as I make it : )

BUT BACK TO THE CREAM CHEESE JALAPENOS! I made these for football Sunday and they…disappeared. I put em out, looked over, and they were gone. Kris didn’t even get to try any, she didn’t make it in time. But that is definitely for the best — they were pretty hideous. I had soooo many things cooking at once and sooooo many things to drink that hey, I schlepped em together. Next time, I’d clearly use more sausage. And I’d pop one into mi boca before putting them out.

So quick. So easy. SO DELUSHIOUS.

Recipe here, from my Kris:


  • 12 jalapeño peppers
  • 8 oz cream cheese
  • 8 slices of cooked bacon- chopped
  • 4 lbs of raw sausage

1. Slice jalapeño in half, length wise
2. Remove seeds
3. Fill the hole of the pepper with cream cheese
4. Place a piece of bacon on top of cream cheese
5. Ball sausage around the whole pepper, leaving the stem out on one end
6. Fry in a skillet with oil until outer layer of sausage is browned and cooked through

I mean, could it be easier? PS, I used hot italian sausage and squeezed it out of the casing, which, if you’ve done it, is just a terrible looking thing to do. Or erotic. God I hate that word. No one NOT creepy has ever said the word erotic. Anyhow DO IT NOW what are you waiting for!



Better with Bacon!

11 Jan

But really — what isn’t?

Sauteed the bacon before crumbling on top of the eggs in the oven, a few minutes into the bubbling and browning of the parmesan / herb mixture.

I truly didn’t think that recipe could get any better!!