the d word.

11 Sep

“Diet” is a word that I. Just. Hate.

It’s not a word I have no experience with — it’s just the opposite. I have too much experience with it. And they make me so mad. Literally. I am a monster when on a “diet” of some sort.

For me, food isn’t about “fueling my body for the day”. I’m not a fucking superhero (or cop. or firefighter. or really anything else but a mainly stationary model). I don’t really give a crap that food is purely about nourishment and somewhere along the lines we got all caught up in this “tasting good” thing.

I use food to be happy. I cook to make myself happy and to make others happy. “Emotional eating”??? That’s all I know.

Coming back from the most on/off hiatus that I’ve had on this blog, which basically lasted a few months, I think you can tell that I haven’t been completely excited about food. And it all has to do with that stupid, terrible, amazing, waist-changing diet.

As you may or may not know, I went *mostly* low carb for a couple months, and I can honestly say that I will never ever in my life count calories ever again. I don’t know what it was, really, but literally every single day since I cut them (cut them down, not out entirely, I’m not a machine), the weight just peeled off, in all the right places. And by “right places” I mean my face and midsection.

No one wants to hear a skinny girl talk about weight loss, I think. So maybe it would help you to know that I am always. fighting. the chub. It doesn’t help that I have such a love for food, either. Some models I work with, I truly think they could go a few days without chewing something, then at some fancy industry dinner, realize that they hadn’t eaten since last Wednesday. It just doesn’t cross their mind normally, so it isn’t something that consumes their life…like me.

I cheated. I had “cheat days”. But try to make your “cheat days” into just “cheat bites” or at the worst, a “cheat meal” and you will be pretty proud of yourself. It was really weird to go to bed not feeling weighed down, and this was still a feeling I only *sometimes* appreciated, as there is no feeling like curling into bed with a full belly. I love it. But waking up actually feeling hungry? And not just hungry, but kind of starving? That was new to me. And I liked it.

I am notorious for cravings, and commercials are MADE for bitches like me. I see it, I want it, I must have it. And on this low-carb crap (no matter how good it was to me, it shall ALWAYS be referred to as crap) I always ended a meal completely satisfied that I had just consumed all the flavors I wanted to.

No desserts, fruit instead. By the way, fruit is cheating. But when you are eating massive, sugary desserts originally, this diet should shut up and take what it can get. Bread, pasta and potatoes were the only definite no-no’s, and I 100% believe this is what did most of the damage, and by damage I mean awesomeness.

I think you will be happy to know that I still ate shit like this and felt physically better and lost weight:

What is this, you ask? Well after a day of running errands, I found myself at one of my favorite little spots to pop in, grab a drink, and have a bite, alone. Yes alone. I love eating alone, sitting at the bar. Maybe you’ve been, the place is called “Lure” and it’s right in the middle of soho. Despite being underneath the Prada store, and a bit on the nice side, they are incredibly welcoming and cool there, and have a mean happy hour.

I sat at the bar, in the beginning stages of this diet. I asked the bartender what his favorite fish was. He asked me what my favorite fish was, as this is the more obvious question. I replied, “I dunno. I hate fish.”, which isn’t totally true, but I sure love my dramatics. Then he said, “Well, why the hell are you gonna order it?”. TOUCHÉ, SIR.

I explained my sob story about how murdering thieves stole my parents right out of my home right as we were in the middle of family game night, where we ate pasta and and garlic bread and played scrabble and how they judo-chopped my dining room table and, just before stealing my parents, threw the plate of pasta at me and said, “never eat carbs again, bitch, or we will be back for you.” No that isn’t true but it sounds a lot better than, “I have a photoshoot.”

He said, “Oh honey, you are not the only one”, and asked the chef to make me a breadless burger. And then I enjoyed one of the most wonderful “burgers” I had ever had. Not just there, but anywhere. And did I eat the obviously-cheating onion rings up top? You bet I did.

My point is– and if you are new to this blog, I’ll just go ahead and let you know know that the point only comes after paragraph after paragraph of incessant rambling and random stories– that we are all human. We all want to enjoy or bodies and be proud of ourselves, but we also need to enjoy what we eat. It’s not an either/or, and these past few months have helped me figure that out.

Missed you all. I’m back.


34 Responses to “the d word.”

  1. Stanley Poobrick (@stanleypoobrick) September 11, 2011 at 5:05 am #

    You are human. Cool. I eat alone too. I feel kind of cool doing it, like I’m a suave lone wolf.

  2. Nicola September 11, 2011 at 5:30 am #

    Welcome back!
    Ah no carbs takes me back to my ballet days… total. crap. but scary how well it works

  3. Karina September 11, 2011 at 8:11 am #

    Freaking delishiously amazingly love Lure. Give me a Dark and Stormy, a shrimp tempura and a chicken lollipop and screw a skinny waist… I’m not a model! (note the hints of anger… I’m currently on a “diet” myself. Ugh!)

  4. Edith September 11, 2011 at 10:05 am #

    Is it possible that this blog post left a tear in my eye… so good to have you back Miss Teigen, diet or no diet. : )

  5. Rochelle Currey Nigri September 11, 2011 at 10:17 am #

    Chrissy your honesty and sense of humor are beyond inspiring!

  6. twheetybird September 11, 2011 at 12:02 pm #

    Ahhhhhh… I’m not alone! How can anyone expect any… ONE… to NOT love food. I’m not a model…yet the pressure is always there to eat good, exercise and remain under 50kg’s… Thank you Chrissy! You are making it hard for me not to LOVE you!! 😉 oxo

  7. Dean September 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

    Best. Fucking. “I’m back”. Post. Ever.

    Seriously, this is inspirational. Thanks Chrissy.

  8. Lauren September 11, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    Yay!!! You’re back!! I love the blog and also knowing that anyone else loves/thinks about food all the time too. Keep up the posts-super funny and entertaining.

  9. nycgirl September 11, 2011 at 1:45 pm #

    love this.

  10. Chelsea September 11, 2011 at 1:50 pm #

    Am i the only one who is curious about how many pounds were lost in one summer of low-carbing? I am interested in the diet but am desperate for quick effects, as i usually lose interest in a slow paced weight loss.

  11. actorsdiet September 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm #

    i would love to repost this as a guest blog for my site, – let me know if i have your permission! actorsdiet(at)

  12. Dana September 11, 2011 at 2:25 pm #

    Glad you’re back!!!

  13. MelissaJ September 11, 2011 at 3:02 pm #

    Welcome baaaccckkk!!! We missed you.

  14. April Larabee September 11, 2011 at 3:23 pm #

    Glad you`re back! What is the diet called? Think i`d like to give it a go. Also, you had a picture up on twitter of a stuffed red pepper. I`d really like the recipe, please.

  15. Jenny V September 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm #

    yayyyy chrissy is back!!!

    ive recently gained some weight and may attempt your “diet” for what im sure will only be a short amount of time if it worked well for you?
    and of course in this time store up amazing recipes to make once i fail at this diet.

  16. Christina September 11, 2011 at 5:19 pm #

    Hooray you are back! Love love love this post. =)

  17. Scarlett September 11, 2011 at 6:30 pm #

    Hiiii! ❤ ya! A few questions re: low carb diets… did you experience any issues with energy? Did you have any issues transitioning out of it (weight gain, etc)? (Assuming you're done with it, that is). Do you just slowly transition carbs back into your diet? I'm thinking of trying it to lose a few for my engagement pictures… but want to maintain it for a longer period of time so that I'll stay that way for the wedding in a few months. Thoughts?

  18. gigi September 11, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

    YAY! So glad you’re back! And what a great post for you to return with!

  19. cwebbie September 11, 2011 at 7:45 pm #

    Nicely done! Also a great reminder that beneath the surface (even surfaces that get paid by Sports Illustrated to model bikinis) we all struggle with issues and insecurities. I knew we were both cynical and constantly question humanity, but would never have thought we share the same thoughts towards food. This post was breath of fresh air!

  20. Emily September 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm #

    Yay you’re back! Thanks for the honesty. It’s always refreshing to hear a hot bitch such as yourself talk about what it actually takes to be such a hot bitch. (See also Gwen Stefani.)

    But if there were any somewhat tasty low-carb-friendly meals that you would like to share… Please do. I know it’s not really fun, but it’s helpful!

  21. Amy (Minimally Invasive) September 12, 2011 at 10:54 am #

    Welcome back! We’ve missed you around here. I’m doing the Primal/Paleo thing and all I can think about are french fries. I. Miss. Fries. So glad to read your honest take on this.

  22. Jeanna Johnson September 12, 2011 at 2:38 pm #

    Welcome back! Missed you & hearing your stories!! I’m trying to lose 20 lbs. . . already lost some! I love your blog! So refreshing!!

  23. Jewel @Eat.Drink.Shop.Love September 12, 2011 at 3:37 pm #

    Glad you posted this! Also welcome back.

  24. Meg September 12, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    Chrissy, I love your blog and tweets!! Made the catfish, loved it!! Made your marinade, I use it on everything!! Keep the blogs comin – I need to come up with a meal plan for the week!

  25. AndreaSomething September 12, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    Thanks for this post Chrissy. I needed it today after spending the last few days miserable shunning my beloved carbs so I could lose those 5lbs of vanity weight quickly…

    Yes. Food is love.

  26. Gina September 13, 2011 at 9:07 pm #

    I’ve never done a low carb thing because I have absolutely no will power, but I think you may have inspired me. If you love food that much and could do it, it’s worth a try. I let my fat ass really go these last few months and I need a pick me up. Love the blog, you sassy lassie!

  27. Katheryn September 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm #

    Hi Chrissy! I have an absolutely 100% serious question for you—when you cut carbs, do you have a harder time with regular bowel movements!?

  28. Jenn September 23, 2011 at 9:22 pm #

    I just wanted to thank you for writing a blog like this one. I have struggled with my weight my entire life, yoyoed up and down, and currently have a lot of weight to lose. Reading that a beautiful, thin model like you has some of my same struggles – that you suffer from emotional eating and food obsessions, yet you push through it to meet your goals, is SO incredibly inspirational to me. Its so easy to look at skinny girls, and think that they just don’t get it, and its comforting to hear that some do. I read your twitter and blog every day, and want to thank you for being a smart, beautiful, brutally honest, and hilarious woman. Cheers to you!

  29. M & R October 10, 2011 at 10:47 pm #

    Just going back & reading your older entries.. Love your honesty. So hard to find a balance on having a healthy relationship with food. but like you, i loooove food & would rather enjoy it than not 🙂

  30. Sheerin June 5, 2012 at 5:18 am #

    Chrissy, you and I, we are the same (not in the looks department obvi)
    This blog is to me like what those hotlines are for kids who get bullied.
    Sometimes I stare at bread and I feel like im being bullied.
    Thank you, for I no longer feel alone in this struggle.

    p.s. food roxxx ❤ ❤

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  32. Alternatives to Google search engine March 24, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

    Thanks for penning this remarkable publish..Liked your content articles. Please do keep writing


  1. Lean for a Living « A Worldly Monk - February 8, 2012

    […] the d word. […]

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